TO DREAM

Last night I dreamed
and I had not dreamed in decades it seems
So my unconscious was making up for lost time
feeding my mind with every line that had ran through my mind over this fleeting time
it was almost like I was conscious and I seen it all before
It simply felt like dejavu was knocking at my door
my mind opened a one man, I mean one woman play
of the things I felt and found so hard to say......
at the conclusion of all that was said and felt
I feel to the floor on one knee and eyes swell
I dreamed of what I could be but hadnt achieved
I dreamed of lost role models snatched, and taken from me
I dreamed of small cells that bind the human soul
of living in a small 4 by 4, iron barred, non lite cage with a concrete floor
I dreamt of true love that made me soar
roses growing in concrete and wide open doors
no glass ceilings just room to explore
and more breathing room then my lungs could endure
I dreamt of walking and not hearing signs of chatter and slander from the tongue
of those who say they love me but with words will slaughter me at no cost
I dreamt of sitting among the stars and talking with icons of the past
and sitting on my mommas laugh while enjoying a good laugh
I dreamt of sitting by the bedside of my grandma without pain
laughing, and talking bout all the things I ususally would dare not say
I dreamt of a strong father figures that I could see
not only the one I look to in hopes that he will save me and set me free.....
I dreamt of GOD being accepted as the man of many names
no matter what you call him or the imagery you display he/she will always be the same
I dreamt of not being called a hypocrite because sometimes I talk a good talk
however you chop me down to size because I dont always walk the good walk
...insert, I am not perfect
I dreamt of being accepted as more than the girl who writes well, and talks a good talk
but the girl that bloomed in the bottom of a well deep and dark
I dreamt that karma was more than a notion, a hope, or dream but something that was real and would eventually come by and bless me
I dreamt of seeing my brother free rubbing the belly of his soon to be wife that carries his unborn seed
I dreamt of planned pregancies, happy weddings, financial stability, and dreams captured.....not pain, lost, and struggle being released on me from the vudo purse
I dreamt that I,
wasnt only strong believing and seeing only what I wanted to be seeing
but was seein reality and truth was cloaked over me.....
I dreamed that I could do more than dream and wasnt a victim who indulged in petty dreaming....
Yes I am a dreamer,
and this may be true but without dreams what would you do?
Last night I dreamed and I am thankful that I did.....It gave me more reason to believe that my destiny may not always be hid
and that soon enough I will come across my field that is plentiful with flowers, pufffy white clouds, people proudly dancing and life on high......Last night I dreamed....and it felt all to good, and I wouldnt take it back not even if I could

to DREAM

by E 'ink' Middleton


Enid 'ink' Middleton

The Battles Within

It has been said that we have 2 angels or rather an angel and a devil that sits upon our shoulders assisting us in our decision making. I beg to differ, I believe that there are entities that assist us but they do not rest on our shoulders, they are within us. They are not an angel with wings and a red devil with a pitchfork and horns that whisper to us but are elements of light that burn deep within us. The first is light the other is without light and that is darkness. This light and or darkness is what consumes us and provides inklings, direction, instinct, and things of that nature. I like to believe that we are much like a two headed coin which has two strong characters however, one can only rein at a time. If you flip the two-headed coin only one head can be right side up at any given moment. like a two headed coin, light and dark share one space but only one can rein at any given time.

Our light and dark are nourished and fed differently. The darkness grows and feeds off of negative vibrations; with every let down, hurt, scorn and addiction the darkness is nourished and able to dim the soul. Now the light is different. The light is STRONG and can convert energies if necessary. Negative energy and vibrations can be converted to inspire feeding the gleam/ and brightness of the soul. Light is more powerful than darkness yet in many it is less convincing at times to the human soul.

There is a saying that, "it is easier to do bad then to do good and easier to point out the bad in someone rather than encourage and praise the good in that very same individual." like the saying goes to the human soul, mind, and body it is easier for us to accept negative and do negative. Free will is what was given and is truly our human challenge. The ability to choose wrong or right is where our ultimate battle lies.

I am one whom has been consumed at times by the darkness but you have to understand that although the darkness can consume its power can never alleviate the light. The light is immensely strong; so as the dark consumes the soul the light continues to burn in hopes that it will soon take back its control and illuminate the soul as it
should.

Think of a dark sky; God is truly a mastermind. Just like the world; he created a human being much to his delight that in comparison is like the sky. Sometimes we burn bright like the sun and sometimes our souls are black with speckles of fighting light like the sky and like the moon that illuminates us when it converts the negative energies and reinforces it with positive probabilities/possibilities. There is a war going on daily with in us that we are challenged to maintain; don't you agree??? if you don't than take time to examine your person because you may not be truly in tuned with your self.

Langston Hughes----Life aint been no crystal stair

Life ain't been no crystal stair.... Langston Hughes

Well, son, I'll tell you:

Life for me ain't been no crystal stair.

It's had tacks in it,

And splinters,

And boards torn up,

And places with no carpet on the floor—

Bare.

But all the time

I'se been a-climbin' on,

And reachin' landin's,

And turnin' corners,

And sometimes goin' in the dark

Where there ain't been no light.

So, boy, don't you turn back.

Don't you set down on the steps.

'Cause you finds it's kinder hard.

Don't you fall now—

For I'se still goin', honey,

I'se still climbin',

And life for me ain't been no crystal stair.

We have to remember day in and day out that life has not been and may never be a crystal stair and that there will always be a glass ceiling. We must be like diamonds cutting glass as it comes our way; and like dynamite , blowing down anything that may stand between us and our destinies. Please acknowledge that there is a jungle out there and we got to live like we are the last of a dying breed determined to be vast and not extinct, excel in all that you do and take your failures as test runs.....keep climbin, keep driving, and dont give up not even when the breaks get stuck.

Bitten by a Passion LEECH; now I am REVIVED

This morning; actually this evening after my nap I WOKE UP!!!! I woke up and decided that I would not allow this LEECH on my soul to continue to suck me dry. You see; this passion sucking parasite called HARD LIFE and STRUGGLE continues to drain me of my passions, determination, and desires. I am HUMAN and I can admit that sometimes I am in deep need of TRUE inspiration. We can easily be swayed from our gifts; and passions when faced with mounds of STRUGGLE and HARDSHIP. It gets hard trying to survive for some of us; we get discouraged and become enthralled in emotional warfare within. What is emotional warfare you ask???? Its that draining battle we face when trying to be strong and stand firm but in turn; we are confronted by a deep and dark portal that convinces us that giving in to weakness may be less stressful.
Let me get a little deeper with you; I have battled a massive amount of loss. At very young age I lost my mother and my father had abandoned my siblings and I at that moment in life WE had been ORPHANED but were raised by loving grandparents all though that my not be a struggle to some, for us it was quite a challenged. At times we were emotionally abused, and mentally corrupted by the views of outsiders whom condemned us to being no more than a future statistics. But; I refused to be defeated; now I have a college degree and a decent job; so you think all is well. For me it is not, you got to understand some things scar deep. Approximately a year ago I lost my second mother; my grandmother and that has left my three siblings and I to survive on our own. Imagine being 22 and having three younger siblings whom now are left to survive alone.
Each day I ask for a blessing to come upon my troubled seas and give me the ability to take my siblings in and allow them the right to feel secure; but I can hardly provide the needed security for myself. These struggles and hurdles welcomed the passion bug to lay upon my heart and suck me dry. However; that bug was not ready for what would happen. The parasite was not ready for the light that would come and revive me; kicking its behind to the curb. HOPE, FAITH, and INTERNAL STRENGTH gathered as a trinity blessed by the GRACE of the Holy Trinity stood firm and gathered in my honor with one task at hand; relieve me of this passion-sucker>>>> their crusade was successful and I received the passion transfusion I had been waiting for.
I know strongly and PASSIONATELY that I will let no barnacle; of any kind steal from me what the LORD has blessed me with. Although he has taken from me these loved ones I know that "God will never deliver me to a place where he can not protect me". I will stand FIRM and I hope that whomever reads this is inspired to be revived as well if they have a LEECH on their SOUL or HEART. I want you to know you are strong and all it takes is for you to STAND FIRM>>>>> I leave you with this message from MAYA ANGELOU and remember there is nothing you can not rise from.

Still I Rise

You may write me down in history
With your bitter, twisted lies,
You may trod me in the very dirt
But still, like dust, I'll rise.

Does my sassiness upset you?
Why are you beset with gloom?
'Cause I walk like I've got oil wells
Pumping in my living room.

Just like moons and like suns,
With the certainty of tides,
Just like hopes springing high,
Still I'll rise.

Did you want to see me broken?
Bowed head and lowered eyes?
Shoulders falling down like teardrops.
Weakened by my soulful cries.

Does my haughtiness offend you?
Don't you take it awful hard
'Cause I laugh like I've got gold mines
Diggin' in my own back yard.

You may shoot me with your words,
You may cut me with your eyes,
You may kill me with your hatefulness,
But still, like air, I'll rise.

Does my sexiness upset you?
Does it come as a surprise
That I dance like I've got diamonds
At the meeting of my thighs?

Out of the huts of history's shame
I rise
Up from a past that's rooted in pain
I rise
I'm a black ocean, leaping and wide,
Welling and swelling I bear in the tide.
Leaving behind nights of terror and fear
I rise
Into a daybreak that's wondrously clear
I rise
Bringing the gifts that my ancestors gave,
I am the dream and the hope of the slave.
I rise
I rise
I rise.

Maya Angelou

Happy New Years!!!!!

So...welcome back in the NEW YEAR. I am happy that you have chosen to visit me in these beginning days of a new start. I havent written in a while and I felt there was no better time than the present time to reach out and begin to pen my day to day and words of inspiration or theory once more. How did you spend your new years??? My New Years was quite intense and ...if I may say so, words cant express nor will I go over the highlights just no that I enjoyed myself overall.
What is your resolution? you want to know something funny...each year we come up with these resolutions I am going to change this and that and then on new years eve we do whatever it is we are going to give up to the max and say that is the last time for the past year, yet do we every realize that once the ball dropped at 12 the eve was no longer and the year had begun with you doing whatever it is you planned to leave behind. Something to think about I suppose, or maybe its just me who does things in such away but I thought I would share. Love all my readers and really stick to the resolutions you set for you to have taken time to set them they must be important and if they are important you should not give up on them so easily. ....

Time to Celebrate....Even if things aren't perfect

Quite often I have been thinking that I don’t celebrate or treat myself as much as I should. We often think that things should and have to be going great in order for us to celebrate and spend some quality alone or treat-time with ourselves. Each day we should be doing this not just on special occasion. Since I have begun meditating and taken some time out for myself daily I have become more in-tuned with myself and opportunities have been presenting themselves right and left. When we nurture and make ourselves smile we place ourselves in a gentler plane which encourages good things in our life. We have to reach out to ourselves as much as we reach out to others and even more than we would like others to reach out to us. It is our duty to keep ourselves happy and smiling. Each day we should celebrate and spend time with ourselves thanking God that we are living, making it, and just keeping it all together---and if it is not sticking together its more important that you start taking time with yourself. Each moment is delicate and effects our next minute we have to begin to understand that all though things may seem a little rough it could be worse and fueling that negative energy is not advised. We should be infusing a positive perspective unto all of the 'negative' frequencies in our life.
As humans we are susceptible and empathic to others but we aren’t as sympathetic and understanding of our own being and positions of failure or disrupt. I say lets all party---and spend a moment or two with ourselves. Below are a few me-time ways to celebrate:

• With a cup of warm/hot beverage sip and release all negative energies acquired during the day; concentrate on the beverage and how it warms your soul and nurture each sip with an ounce of optimism.
• Give yourself a nice bath with lots of bubbles. Find joy in how the bubbles rise and seep down into the water as it quenches the aches of your tired body
• take a walk and internally admire all that the world has to offer. The trees; animals, flowers, and even the whiff of seasonal air which fills your nostrils and brings you life
• Read a serene book, poem, or your favorite magazine
• Write down visions or illustrate your dream reality

Do anything that takes your mind off of the day at hand; the day that has passed; and wind down with the moment at hand----doesn’t it feel good; I know it does.

Please Note:

I have truly been on a hiatus I have so much to share and will soon be back on the blogosphere, dont worry just dont stop visiting me....I will be back in about a week for sure...Muah

Hard Decisions...& Tough Pills To Swallow

Today I have found myself in a tumultuous battle. My optimism and faith-filled belief that things will come around is conflicting with my current reality. My current reality has placed before me a difficult matter--With that being said I have some hard decisions to make. I have come to this place in my life; where I am trying to rest my burdens and faith on the lord; believing that in due time the Lord will make things good. But my current reality is wagging a war and is fervent with a rather unbecoming message. I am not sure if it is the fact that I am in an uncomfortable place right now; or this suspicion that my current reality has a point.

You are probably wondering what my conflict is well as you know I currently was laid off. In the wake of my unemployment I received my first paid speaking gig and received an assurance from the audience that gives me a host of faith. My want and desire to step out on faith suggests that I continue relentlessly with this blog; put together both my manuscript of poetry and motivational book; while continuing to make myself available for speaking gigs. Now if you were able to read in between the lines there is one uncertainty where will I get the money to make ends meet; as well as where will the money to maintain such projects derive from. As you can see it is my survival at stake if I do not listen to my current reality.

Now my current reality does not care where I work; but demands that I find a job ASAP so that I can keep up with my bills, my necessities, and my material desires. My current reality does not suggest that I take into consideration weather I am truly happy with what I do but that I am able to survive; because reality is there is no one who can pick up my slack. Truth be told the responsibility is mine alone.

But this leaves me with a very large and tough pill to swallow; it seems that my current reality has no faith in God being able to see me through and gather my pieces in time so that I can be happy. My current reality suggests that it is my responsibility to make it happen for myself; and whatever is offered as long as it pays must me considered. With no regard to the fact that most of the Job offers I have been getting are quite frankly mundane; and if given a choice would be the last thing I would want to do.

So what do I do??? Do I step out on faith and seek my own happiness placing my joy in Gods hands; or do I get with reality and take whatever job opportunity that comes my way.

----this is a rather difficult decision to make; you see my reality although it seems pressed to rely on me, it stills has potholes that are filled with God's presence. No opportunity is derived without God's blessing; at least in my eyes. So what do you do when what you desire relies on God and what you can obtain right now just relies on God's blessing.

This for me is a Jonah and the Whale situation. Do I wait for God to come in person or Do I get on the Boat that he may have sent? As you know tough decisions take time and consideration so I will have to let you know later what I have decided on....because I would not be able to tell you right now. One thing I can say is, "either way I leave it in God's hands; for he already knows the decision and path I will take"

"And the LORD shall guide thee continually, and satisfy thy soul in drought, and make fat thy bones: and thou shalt be like a watered garden, and like a spring of water, whose waters fail not."- Isaiah 58:11

Dont Fret...

I have not blogged in about 3 days but I am not far away; I have just been working on a couple of things so I have not been able to update my readers...But dont worry I am here; I have one more thing to do before I can dedicate the time I need to keep you posted and encourage better enlightenment; so hold tight I will be back.

I am never too far... I love this to much.

My God is Good

As you know from my last post I lost my job; but now I can confirm that it was truly a blessing in disguise. Today I got a call for a job interview at a better job; the poem I submitted for a contest with Poetry.com was advanced to semi-finals for a grand prize of $10,000 (maybe I will win) and I was offered my first paid speaking engagement. I will be speaking at Clinton Highschool in the Bronx with about 50 young ladies who are apart of a highschool club/sorority known as D.I.V.A.S. organized by a very dear sister of mine Isha Haley-James. So it is true God has plans.

The Lord does not lead us astray he takes us to the water and although we may think we are unprepared the Lord knows that the only preparation we need is Him. Having Faith in something bigger, outside of ourselves can map our course before we take a foot and step outside of our bed. The course has been planned; it is our free will and our faith-based actions which determine how long it will take us to get to where we are going.

In trouble waters serenity can be found; sometimes it may be at the deepest & bluest or it may be settling at top the waves but it is there. My peace is with me and as I said yesterday my faith is strong. I remain unmoved and focused on the where the Lord wants to take me.

Lastly, I want to share with you my poem which has received acclamation to move a head.

High Expectations

by Enid Roxsanne Middleton

I'm like a bird caught in an airduct

A mouse on a trap,

A dog on a leash I am not free

Trapped by the ways of this world

As materialistic as it seems

Possessed by greed

And demands to succeed

The expectation of conformity

Have made me a prisoner to this life I lead

At night I cant sleep I despise the person I see

I am bound to this life so selflessly

All I want is to be free

Cut my reins I will flee

And leave behind your expectations for me

no longer will I live selflessly

I must begin to live for me

In my attempt to free myself I leave these words behind

"I cannot be who you want me to be, but at least I tried."
Copyright ©2007 Enid Roxsanne Middleton