Before I Lay Down to Sleep

Is it true
that at night time you cry?
Rolling from left to right there’s no one in sight
Is it true that you wish that you could change
Change your past so that the things you did before you wont do it twice the same
Is it true that you hold on to the memories that you thought you’d lose
Cause the idea that they are around and in your palm
let you know that at least you have something worth holding on
Is it true, that you cry at night when its dark
Hoping that no one sees and
no one knows your pain
to share that pain makes you weak and
you despise being lame
Is it true that your not as cold as it seem and that
within you got a lot of heat and
your burning up in side and
ya blood is beating that heart
faster and faster and faster
in hopes that it can warm up the temperature from the ice that surrounds it from all the hurt and pain that’s drowning it.
You have holes inside and your trying to fill them but your tired of forcing them
with them empty lies and empty promises
And things that people told you that the would do but didn’t do. And the things that you know could you do but didn’t do, and things that you know you should do but wouldn’t do.
It is true that at night time you cry
because you dreamed that things would be different but things are to much the same and you hope that things would change but it takes to much and its to long to hold on to change.
Or its to hard and to much of challenge to hold on to being who you believe you should be,
and knowing you know want to be, demanding that you grab your dream and be everything you wish to be.

Is it true that at night time you cry after looking in the mirror
after looking in the mirror
after looking in the mirror every night for the first time and only seeing a women scarred, scorned and filled with lies.
Your not happy with what your seeing so
during the day you live a lie
putting on a show that last in other minds
but its so far from the truth
And even you behavior confuses you
so at night you cry….
you cant take that person you see inside
and you want to believe that what’s behind close doors stays in the dark
and whats behind closed doors won’t eventually come to light.
So its only at night you don’t hide
you hurt like anyone else but its at night that you come out your shell
making sure that there is no one else who can testify to what they saw….
you dare not let them meet that women scorned.
Is it true that at night time you cry?
Your eyes fill up with water and the emotions run through you
you don’t know how to explain them and its hard to express them so you decide to suppress them
So its at night you cry.
But don’t feel alone cuz…..shhhhhh
Sometimes at night I cry,….ink

TO DREAM

Last night I dreamed
and I had not dreamed in decades it seems
So my unconscious was making up for lost time
feeding my mind with every line that had ran through my mind over this fleeting time
it was almost like I was conscious and I seen it all before
It simply felt like dejavu was knocking at my door
my mind opened a one man, I mean one woman play
of the things I felt and found so hard to say......
at the conclusion of all that was said and felt
I feel to the floor on one knee and eyes swell
I dreamed of what I could be but hadnt achieved
I dreamed of lost role models snatched, and taken from me
I dreamed of small cells that bind the human soul
of living in a small 4 by 4, iron barred, non lite cage with a concrete floor
I dreamt of true love that made me soar
roses growing in concrete and wide open doors
no glass ceilings just room to explore
and more breathing room then my lungs could endure
I dreamt of walking and not hearing signs of chatter and slander from the tongue
of those who say they love me but with words will slaughter me at no cost
I dreamt of sitting among the stars and talking with icons of the past
and sitting on my mommas laugh while enjoying a good laugh
I dreamt of sitting by the bedside of my grandma without pain
laughing, and talking bout all the things I ususally would dare not say
I dreamt of a strong father figures that I could see
not only the one I look to in hopes that he will save me and set me free.....
I dreamt of GOD being accepted as the man of many names
no matter what you call him or the imagery you display he/she will always be the same
I dreamt of not being called a hypocrite because sometimes I talk a good talk
however you chop me down to size because I dont always walk the good walk
...insert, I am not perfect
I dreamt of being accepted as more than the girl who writes well, and talks a good talk
but the girl that bloomed in the bottom of a well deep and dark
I dreamt that karma was more than a notion, a hope, or dream but something that was real and would eventually come by and bless me
I dreamt of seeing my brother free rubbing the belly of his soon to be wife that carries his unborn seed
I dreamt of planned pregancies, happy weddings, financial stability, and dreams captured.....not pain, lost, and struggle being released on me from the vudo purse
I dreamt that I,
wasnt only strong believing and seeing only what I wanted to be seeing
but was seein reality and truth was cloaked over me.....
I dreamed that I could do more than dream and wasnt a victim who indulged in petty dreaming....
Yes I am a dreamer,
and this may be true but without dreams what would you do?
Last night I dreamed and I am thankful that I did.....It gave me more reason to believe that my destiny may not always be hid
and that soon enough I will come across my field that is plentiful with flowers, pufffy white clouds, people proudly dancing and life on high......Last night I dreamed....and it felt all to good, and I wouldnt take it back not even if I could

to DREAM

by E 'ink' Middleton


Enid 'ink' Middleton

The Battles Within

It has been said that we have 2 angels or rather an angel and a devil that sits upon our shoulders assisting us in our decision making. I beg to differ, I believe that there are entities that assist us but they do not rest on our shoulders, they are within us. They are not an angel with wings and a red devil with a pitchfork and horns that whisper to us but are elements of light that burn deep within us. The first is light the other is without light and that is darkness. This light and or darkness is what consumes us and provides inklings, direction, instinct, and things of that nature. I like to believe that we are much like a two headed coin which has two strong characters however, one can only rein at a time. If you flip the two-headed coin only one head can be right side up at any given moment. like a two headed coin, light and dark share one space but only one can rein at any given time.

Our light and dark are nourished and fed differently. The darkness grows and feeds off of negative vibrations; with every let down, hurt, scorn and addiction the darkness is nourished and able to dim the soul. Now the light is different. The light is STRONG and can convert energies if necessary. Negative energy and vibrations can be converted to inspire feeding the gleam/ and brightness of the soul. Light is more powerful than darkness yet in many it is less convincing at times to the human soul.

There is a saying that, "it is easier to do bad then to do good and easier to point out the bad in someone rather than encourage and praise the good in that very same individual." like the saying goes to the human soul, mind, and body it is easier for us to accept negative and do negative. Free will is what was given and is truly our human challenge. The ability to choose wrong or right is where our ultimate battle lies.

I am one whom has been consumed at times by the darkness but you have to understand that although the darkness can consume its power can never alleviate the light. The light is immensely strong; so as the dark consumes the soul the light continues to burn in hopes that it will soon take back its control and illuminate the soul as it
should.

Think of a dark sky; God is truly a mastermind. Just like the world; he created a human being much to his delight that in comparison is like the sky. Sometimes we burn bright like the sun and sometimes our souls are black with speckles of fighting light like the sky and like the moon that illuminates us when it converts the negative energies and reinforces it with positive probabilities/possibilities. There is a war going on daily with in us that we are challenged to maintain; don't you agree??? if you don't than take time to examine your person because you may not be truly in tuned with your self.