Today I have found myself in a tumultuous battle. My optimism and faith-filled belief that things will come around is conflicting with my current reality. My current reality has placed before me a difficult matter--With that being said I have some hard decisions to make. I have come to this place in my life; where I am trying to rest my burdens and faith on the lord; believing that in due time the Lord will make things good. But my current reality is wagging a war and is fervent with a rather unbecoming message. I am not sure if it is the fact that I am in an uncomfortable place right now; or this suspicion that my current reality has a point.
You are probably wondering what my conflict is well as you know I currently was laid off. In the wake of my unemployment I received my first paid speaking gig and received an assurance from the audience that gives me a host of faith. My want and desire to step out on faith suggests that I continue relentlessly with this blog; put together both my manuscript of poetry and motivational book; while continuing to make myself available for speaking gigs. Now if you were able to read in between the lines there is one uncertainty where will I get the money to make ends meet; as well as where will the money to maintain such projects derive from. As you can see it is my survival at stake if I do not listen to my current reality.
Now my current reality does not care where I work; but demands that I find a job ASAP so that I can keep up with my bills, my necessities, and my material desires. My current reality does not suggest that I take into consideration weather I am truly happy with what I do but that I am able to survive; because reality is there is no one who can pick up my slack. Truth be told the responsibility is mine alone.
But this leaves me with a very large and tough pill to swallow; it seems that my current reality has no faith in God being able to see me through and gather my pieces in time so that I can be happy. My current reality suggests that it is my responsibility to make it happen for myself; and whatever is offered as long as it pays must me considered. With no regard to the fact that most of the Job offers I have been getting are quite frankly mundane; and if given a choice would be the last thing I would want to do.
So what do I do??? Do I step out on faith and seek my own happiness placing my joy in Gods hands; or do I get with reality and take whatever job opportunity that comes my way.
----this is a rather difficult decision to make; you see my reality although it seems pressed to rely on me, it stills has potholes that are filled with God's presence. No opportunity is derived without God's blessing; at least in my eyes. So what do you do when what you desire relies on God and what you can obtain right now just relies on God's blessing.
This for me is a Jonah and the Whale situation. Do I wait for God to come in person or Do I get on the Boat that he may have sent? As you know tough decisions take time and consideration so I will have to let you know later what I have decided on....because I would not be able to tell you right now. One thing I can say is, "either way I leave it in God's hands; for he already knows the decision and path I will take"
"And the LORD shall guide thee continually, and satisfy thy soul in drought, and make fat thy bones: and thou shalt be like a watered garden, and like a spring of water, whose waters fail not."- Isaiah 58:11
1 comment:
In all things remember Romans 8:28. I was in your same situation and I had to keep my faith and trust in God despite of how it looked. After graduation in May I could not find a job in my field. I was discouraged because I applied to so many places and no replies were coming back. The bill collectors were calling and my parents were on my back. Nevertheless I knew God had more for me and I didn't want to settle for less. So the whole summer I spent applying, sending out my resume, making phone calls, just everything to find a job that I knew I would be happy with. September came and nothing yet. I gave in to all the pressures and took a job at Macys, but I never stopped praying. After only 3 weeks of working there I received a call from people magazine for a position I applied for in June. And I realized that all that time I had off I got closer to God and had more time to reflect on my future aspirations. Just remember that He does not come when you want Him but he is always on time. Just look at your life and all you have been through, you are a living testament to this statement. Stay encouraged girl.
Bless up
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