Works in Progress

Progress: "growth or development; continuous improvement (dictionary.com)"

When I decided--rather when the winds blew unto me a couple of weeks ago there was a couple things that were said. First, I was told to look inward myself and embrace my life experience. Second; I was told to share my life experience with hopes to empower and encourage those whom which I speak to. Lastly; I was told to forgive myself and acknowledge that I am not perfect; it is my faults which make me whole. As I thought about these words of wisdom and how they had come upon me I was coerced into deep meditation. Two things came to heart; had I not embrace my life experience thus far?–and- Had I not forgiven my own plights, deeds, and thinking? I never questioned the notion of talking to others. --Considering, that I was frequently advised to ‘shut-up' in my youth; because to some I simply talked to much I never thought it unbecoming for me to be a public speaker or writer. But, the thing that I did question was my ability to handle my life experiences and what had they done to or for me.

Was I made stronger by them, was I made a victim, was I holding on to them, or had I let them go along time ago. The deep thought necessary for me to accurately reflect on such things made me anxious but, in the same moment conjured up a passion deep inside of me that I had not felt in a while. Reflecting on such things gave me an uncanny and quite overwhelming feeling of growth. However, with growth comes questioning and with questioning come growth; it is quite a round about circle of development if you ask me.

I felt weird and empowered all at once to think of such things. But, now these questions needed answers---
Had I not embraced my life experiences? Well I had written about them on several occasions, I had shared them in forums over the years, I had used them to motivate some of my friends and relatives from time to time. But, had I truly embraced them. Embrace(took time to reflect on this word, itself)---did I willingly accept my past experiences; at that moment I had to say that I accepted them but, it wasn’t always willingly. Survival can sometimes can be relative to the things you necessarily want to do; but you do what you must do to survive, and that I had. I put many of the painful experiences to the back of my mind and when they would re-surface I would do whatever it took to make them vacate the premises. I had not accepted them I had tolerated them at all cost.
Wow---with that I felt enlightened but then came the questions, how do I accept them? To tell you the truth I am still working on that.

What I can say is that I have made an attempt. “Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared with scars.”-Kahlil Gibrand. Yes, I am scarred but I am not ashamed; I wear my hurts as a badge of honor, and they have made me stronger. To make an attempt may very well be the action first necessary in order to further my acceptance of such pains. Maybe; in this moment I am embracing them, I may not know until days gone and I reflect once more.

Lastly, had I not forgiven my own plight, deeds, and thoughts? Well with one comes the other if I can admittedly accept my life experience in the same breathe I should be able to forgive myself. If the Lord can forgive me; what’s to say of me, if I cannot forgive myself.

"For I will forgive their wickedness and will remember their sins no more."-Heb 8:12(NIV). He will forgive us of our ways then he forgets our ways. We shall not be in denial; denial is not an act of acceptance. We must accept, forgive, then let rest (forget) in that order; at least that is what I believe.

I am not perfect no human is. We must confess our transgressions. In confession we are first made aware; in the act of confessing there is faith; as we confess we have repented; and our Father forgives all those whom repent. If you repent with your whole heart in that very moment the Lord has showed you the way to forgive yourself as he forgives you.

We are works in progress; learning more with each passing day about the world, ourselves, and our spirituality. If there is no progress what is there to judge of a stagnant character; asides from the fact that he is stagnant? Like seeds we must sprout into trees, "But when it [seed] is sown, it groweth up, and becometh greater than all herbs, and shooteth out great branches; so that the fowls of the air may lodge under the shadow of it". -Mark 4:32. I am and will forever remain a work in progress;However, I am not under construction. I am not building something new instead I am sowing the soil of my own development.

My grass is green; I water it so that it may be greener. Is your grass green, enough?